￼ ￼We’ve been creating YouTube videos, mainly vlogs for some time now. Since April, (though some of my earlier attempts are now hidden!) I have been sharing small doses of of our adventures, occasional art videos and the alike, but recently Darren and I decided that we’d like to take it a step further and provide some focus on my YouTube venture and make it a bigger part of our lives.
After a rotten time having my Personal Independence Payments interview (in which I was so sick from the experience that I fainted across the desk) only to later be informed that they basically had a ridiculous measure of my abilities and appeared to have disregarded all of the incredibly thorough application that I put together and also the information provided by my doctors and consultants, we were hurt. Badly.
While we are grateful that we were indeed awarded some money, roughly the same that I have been receiving for the last 7 years on Disability Living Allowance with only M.E and anxiety diagnosed, rather than the lengthy debilitating list of conditions that have since made themselves very apparent, we decided that we wanted to step up and make two things available for viewing.
Firstly, a vlog with some transparency. I don’t mind literally filling video after video with dreary commentary of what pain I’m feeling when, because while that is part of my reality, it is both unhealthy for my focus and it’s unnecessary to fill a video with. What we hope to do is provide insight to life lived with restrictions. How I parent day to day unable to stray far from my front door without assistance, keeping up with a bonkers toddler, and the alike.
The second thing we wanted to clarify for viewers is how we keep our chins up, how we laugh, how we make the best of our world and all of its flaws. I am alive, and it is a blessing, afterall, to have the privilege of growing old, of goofing around with my son, of walking down the bumpy but mostly sweet roads of marriage, even though it is hard.
Life is tough, everyone encounters toughness. Mine are invisible and often encroach upon the lives of others, in fact, I have to lay down all of my toughness to be torn apart, put back together again, judged, twisted and given a monetary value, just to be given some support and recognition by our government. It’s wounding to be so badly identified, so wildly misunderstood, when pain is at the epicentre of your life.
So here is our offering. We are laying it out. Not to be praised for our efforts, not attract attention, to rain woe. Just so that we know that we have offered what we can to some people, just for them to understand us a bit better.
That girl’s sick. That girl, is really not well. That girl, is very happy.
So as I prepare to keep this up and keep this going, I’ve created this blog as a landing area, our permanent plot, if you will, for those who want to inquire of our persons, our loves and our general constants.